why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
