my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
