whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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