I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize