On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
