guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
