with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ladies don't puke and tell
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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