So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
