He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
