So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
