After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
