I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
