you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wear drunk well.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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