I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
