Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
handjob tips. give me some.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
