I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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