it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
