i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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