Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
