i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Houston, we have a blender
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
