That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
