A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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