that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you never un-have a 4some
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
