your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
ok first of all what the fuck
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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