So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
