dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
