Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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