taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
