He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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