I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
