I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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