Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
