I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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