he puts the penis in happiness.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
