I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
