New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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