that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
