shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
