I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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