it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
