Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
