will power is for people who don't want to get laid
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
