omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
