Where did you get a picture of my penis
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
