I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
