Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
