Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
