mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
