i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
