you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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