She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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