So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
